Ep 55 Finding true intimacy at midlife with Heidi Trudinger

Today I am talking to the fabulous Heidi Trudinger about midlife relationships. Our bodies go through huge changes at midlife and women in particular feel the change more acutely due to the hormonal dropoff of perimenopause. Men go through their own hormonal change with Andropause however the hormonal shifts are small each year and the decline is steadier.

All of this impacts how we feel about our bodies and our imprint on ageing that we learned through both our family system and culturally, has a huge impact on our ability to embrace our changing bodies at midlife. Most of the fear that we experience around ageing is not about getting old it is actually about dying and Heidi and talked quite a bit about this.

How do we sustain sexual intimacy at midlife with all these changes? Well it is not too hard but for most of us it is about learning about what sex actually is; something few of us learned when we were younger. It is about learning what true intimacy is and how to hold space for that with each other.

We also discussed:

• Self love as an antidote to ageing and how to find that,

• Embracing the Maga (archetype) at midlife really understanding what our individual expression of that that is and how it is different to the Crone,

• How we can reconnect with the playful parts of ourselves, parts we have often buried deep in our unconscious, to reinvigorate our relationship,

• How our body brings up old trauma for resolution at this transition and what a gift that can be,

• How deep rest is incredibly sustaining for our bodies and is part of our erotic practice,

• How our midlife transition is a portal for us to claim our authentic sexual selves and how we might start the path to explore this aspect of our selves.

You can find Heidi at heiditrue.com.au. She is also on instagram @true.intimacy and Facebook

Ep 27 Feeling the wild belly of grief with Ellen Clarke

Grief is one of the toughest emotions that most of us have to feel and work through. In our culture we seem to have lost our way when it comes to expressing grief. We have really narrowed our understanding of what being human really means and that includes the emotions we let ourselves feel. Establishing a relationship with our grief and being able to stay present with it in our adult selves is one of the learning challenges of working with sorrow, sadness and grief. It is part of our maturation into our elderhood that we learn to befriend and express grief. To develop structures that support us to hold it and work with it in the community.

In this episode my friend and colleague Ellen Clarke and I talk through all the ways that grief can come into our lives and the challenges we have in being able to let ourselves fall into the belly of it.

In this podcast you will hear us talk about:

• Death and how in the western world we expect to wake up and be alive each day;

• Grief is part of our transition through our rites of passage in life that the expression of it helps us let go of parts of ourselves that we don’t need anymore and birth new parts of ourselves. That in midlife learning to connect with our emotions allows us to transition into our emotional adulthood;

• We can experience grief after severe illness or life threatening experiences in conjunction with gratitude and this can be a lonely and confusing experience;

• Without any structures, supports or containers to hold us, it feels too wieldy and scary to let it flow. If we had someone who is a non-griever shepherding us through it how might that be for us?;

• If we got good at letting ourselves feeling the little moments of sadness and disappointment each day this might help us deal with the bigger feelings of grief and it might actually be a highly connected experience for us;

• Grief can feel like an emotional rollercoaster (we both hate rollercoasters by the way) and pinging all over the place in our nervous system can feel like we have no foundations;

• There is often fear and shame wrapped over the top of those emotions that we stuff under our proverbial rug and this can make what we are feeling feel really murky and hard to connect with.

You can find Ellen at her website www.ellenmay.com.au on instagram at @ellenismagic or on facebook

Ep 23 Blooming after Divorce with Elizabeth Clair de Lune

Divorce is an extremely complex transition that many of us go through, that can really rock our foundations and sense of self. For many people, post divorce can be a time of immense growth and identity change and having support during this period creates both a safe and comforting space for us to grow. These life transitions are portals calling us to the next phase of our life.

Today I talk with my friend and colleague Elizabeth Clair de Lune who is a Life transitions Coach and Trauma Resolution Guide in training. Elizabeth supports people through Life Transitions, in particular, she supports people through Divorce.

Elizabeth uses a body based, trauma based, coaching methodology to support people coming back to the blueprint of themselves, their original essence. Your blueprint is coherent, aligned, tapped into your greater vision of you.

There are four phases that Elizabeth works with to help people bring their blueprint back online. First, learning how to get your Needs met. Second, Boundaries and Gatekeeping how to sense back into your boundaries and work with them flexibly. Third, learning to trust your intuition again, this feeds into boundaries, and finally, Self Expression. This is where the new version of ourselves emerges as we come toward the other end of the transition portal. Elizabeth finds that often our attachment styles come into play in the first two stages.

Elizabeth talks about as we go through any transition, self expression is the last phase that we start to emerge. Growing and emerging these new parts of ourselves that wants to express differently in the world.

This is a beautiful and rich conversation that will help you think differently about divorce and offer you a new mental map of how transitions can be.

You can find Elizabeth at The Unicorn Academy, on instagram @the.unicorn.academy.tm or on tick tok @theunicornacademy